To a casual observer, acting may be considered a hobby, rather than a career. Yes, it may be a career, but not a career to particularly aspire to, and this is because of the many misconceptions people have of acting, and its purpose in the world.
It seems unlikely I will ever act full time and as a career, but I can tell you one thing: we are all acting in this world, whether it's acting like we're okay, acting like we enjoy something when we do, or acting like we don't care about something, when actually it's our biggest passion and we are having to suppress it in order to fit in. The difference between those people, and those that do acting as a career and / or hobby, is that playing pretend actually has a benefit, a purpose to us.
She's quiet, unsure of herself, and worries constantly that she's going to fail in the world. She doesn't have many friends, and sometimes the world scares her. Well, it scares her a lot actually. Still does even now, if we are being brutally honest. I dare you to look at the state of play the world is today and not be a little frightened, no matter what political, scientific, or environmental issue is you consider to be more central in your world.
This girl needs a hobby other than just reading books, and she knows this. Her mum has tried coaxing her into social situations, with some successes, but also a lot of failures, and this isn't down to her mum being pushy - far from it in fact, as her mum is her number one supporter in everything - but down to her own crushing lack of self-confidence. This has not been helped by a history of being bullied for the sole crime of being a bit quiet, a bit on the fringe of everything.
Call it happenstance, call it fate or chance, but thanks to the suggestion of a friend of one of her mum's, she is steered into joining a local amateur dramatic group. On paper, this does not sound like a hobby she would enjoy, even with her previous theatre experience, but there's something about this particular group that makes something inside her make sense. It may be the people, it may be the type of shows this group performs, it may even be the fact her first role with this group is a singing role, something she always has shied away from doing in front of people before; whatever the reason, this group lights a fire inside her that still, to this day, burns bright.
I am not exaggerating when I say this group is a big part of how I've become the person I am today. Of course, there are other reasons, and other important influences that have shaped my personality, and I think we can all agree that no one person has ever had just one event, or person, or group solely influence who they are. You are more interesting as a collection of ideas and opinions, experiences and events, than you are as a solitary figure revolving around just one theme.
Now we come on to why and how acting has saved my life.
I suffer from anxiety and, sometimes, a crumbling sense of self-identity. Even though I am more sure of who I am today than I have ever been, it doesn't mean that sometimes I don't question why I'm here, what is my purpose, what am I even doing if I'm not doing something meaningful? I sometimes worry I'm not making a big enough mark on the world to justify my presence here, that I'm not progressing enough in life to justify me being the age that I am, which is ridiculous. We are all competing in the same marathon of life, but not everyone has the same targets, and not everyone has the same obstacles or hurdles to try and overcome, so why should we use the same benchmarks for ourselves as other people use?
If I allowed these thoughts to make me spiral, I know every day would be a struggle. I wouldn't get anything done, and life would be far less enjoyable. I used to panic that I didn't have a passion, that if I did find one what if I wasn't any good at it, and that life would be pointless if I didn't find one. I can't tell you the amount of hobbies I started but never finished, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes because it wasn't the right fit for me at that time.
What I love about acting, is that it's an art of self-discipline. It teaches you to hone all the energy you have into a character often so different from yourself. It teaches to look at the world at another way, sometimes a sillier, more playful way, but it gives you a different sense of perspective, and I think this is part of why theatre is so important to me.
As much as you can lose yourself in a theatre piece, be it musical or a strictly performative piece, you also can find yourself as well, or even discover a new skill or talent that can lead on to more exciting paths.
In Trinity Players, I found a girl who not only loved the spotlight, but thrived in it. She wasn't just a part of the laughter, she helped create it. She didn't just read words, she breathed a new life into them. This girl found a family in a place that could've made her or broke her, because the theatre can be just a cruel a place as the rest of the world if you don't have the right people at the heart of it.
This is why my biggest message to anyone who is struggling to find a place in the world, even if theatre isn't your place, you can find a space anywhere to grow and flourish. Find people who make you better, and who you make better just by being there. It may take time and energy, but the best environments only flourish with the right light and care. The moment something becomes toxic, then you need to step away; not every happy place is a happy one forever, but the world is wide enough for you to create and thrive in new spaces.
There are different ways to save a life other than physically stopping you from dying, just as there are other ways to live other than just existing and breathing.
Acting saved my life because it gave me a reason to love myself, it gave me goals and challenges to set myself to grow and develop, it gave me a whole new set of characters in the book of my life to laugh alongside and enjoy the company of. I can't pretend as well that it wasn't the perfect place to foster the love of musical theatre I have today.
Thank you to all who have shared my acting journey, whether it's by supporting me on stage (sometimes getting me out of sticky spots with my lines!), or watching and cheering me on from the audience, or just giving me a stage to try and make people laugh on.
You are more appreciated than you will ever know, and I hope if this post does nothing else, it reminds people of why acting is an important art form, and why it will always have a place in this world.
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